May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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