is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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