i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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