apparently the secret to your success is patron
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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