"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Of course I have a pirate flag
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
