Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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