oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
