If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
