you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
