My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
