Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
