fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
