why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
