I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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