so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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