Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
