I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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