i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some magic done to my vagina
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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