she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
