My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
