My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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