I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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