have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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