At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
