i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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