dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
