I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
