The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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