Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
