Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
