I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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