So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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