i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
