I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
