I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
