smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
