I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
