I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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