Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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