I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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