This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I understand Curling. That high.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
