I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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