someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We just shotgunned beers for America
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
