Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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