No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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