Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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