maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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