what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
