She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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