whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
