Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
