If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i came on her dog
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
