She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
