i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
