So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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