So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
