i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
