The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Can Purell be used as lube?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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