I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
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