in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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