If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
