Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
