Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
