A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
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you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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