im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
