You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
