That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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