hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
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So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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