That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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