I will die if light touches me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
