Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
