all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
