:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Someone came in the potted fern
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
